i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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