Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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