I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
