you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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