I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
After tacos, we're chasing women.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
