Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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