Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
