I just saw a hot homeless man
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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