Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
