When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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