so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
