I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
