You can't special order awesome
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize