I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize