I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's blow job season.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
