We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
