I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize