It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
