You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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