Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
