Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I know her cup size but not her name....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
