I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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