I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
