So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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