My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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