you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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