I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
