How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
