One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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