Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
