I swear she didn't look like that last week.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
