I wanna bring you to show and tell
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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