New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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