chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
