There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
