you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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