I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Boobs are out for the taking
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
