your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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