i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you inspire me to be a worse person
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
