I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need a beard to bite.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
