Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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