He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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