Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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