I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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