Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.

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(907): View more from Alaska

is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?

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(607): View more from New York

Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night

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(619): View more from California

yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work

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(931): View more from Tennessee

THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING

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(330): View more from Ohio

Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?

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(669): View more from California

Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"

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