FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
