I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
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you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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