I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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