Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
