Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
