Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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