I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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