i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
