This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
