My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
