Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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