Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
