also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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