I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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