Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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