the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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