It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
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